Jungkook

"How can you be so busy on your laptop on Sundays, shouldn't you be doing something productive today?" I looked up from my laptop hearing Jimin's voice, who was lying on the couch. He surely had a headache, for him to lie on his back, rubbing his temple with closed eyes. A very rare sight to see. 

"Like you?" I questioned, still typing on my laptop. What's so good about Sundays when you have tons of assignments to complete and of course not forgetting the job hunting. It was not supposed to be that hard, or was it? 

"Maybe" a groan left from his mouth as he rolled on his back. "See, this is why I tell you alcohol makes you feel like shit. I really don't get your definition of fun" I scrunched up my nose "drinking until you pass out or sleeping with a stranger" I knew I shouldn't be judging him or his choices when I couldn't make a proper decision for myself. 

There was nothing wrong acting like a reckless teenager in your early twenties but of course that doesn't apply for everyone. Maybe it was just me who didn't liked it, getting drunk like there's no tomorrow or fucking the first person I see in a club. I am in no position to judge someone else's life but seeing Jimin being a total lunatic always made me question his choices. 

"It sounds ridiculous coming from your introverted ass" he dared to mock me, now looking at me with a smirk on his face which irked me. "And what's the big deal about it?" I raised my brows not understanding why me being liking a peaceful life seemed so damn funny to him. We were different, very different. I knew it the very day I walked into this apartment 3 years ago. 

He scoffed "You are missing so many things, maybe for once you should drop your guitar and assignments at home and enjoy like you are supposed" there's a hint of annoyance in his voice which was quite offensive for me. I've been told this several times by several people, but that idea didn't seem right for a person like me. 

I was very much happy with my guitar and assignments. Thank you very much. 

"Drop it shorty, I am in no mood of arguing" I groaned annoyingly, closing my laptop. I stood up from the couch, glancing towards the window, seeing the sun almost set. I still had time, but I couldn't decipher the aggravation inside me. I could feel Jimin rolling his eyes at me but I could care less. 

I strolled towards my room, glancing at the clock. Feeling my mind in chaos from yesterday. Each passing day I felt like losing myself. It's been months since I've talked with my father. I miss his voice, his calming voice which always makes me feel at home. I missed him saying that I could do it. 

Closing the door behind me, I took out my phone, searching for the only contact which meant everything for me. I smiled seeing my favorite word, tapping on the screen I patiently waited for the other line to ring as I made myself comfortable on the bed. I bit my lip as finally someone picked up the call, there was a silence for a second which I was very much familiar with by now. 

"My little boy" I smiled after hearing my favorite voice in the world "I thought you forgot about your old man" he chuckled. "I miss you" I whispered, feeling heavy inside me as my eyes started to get blurry from unnecessary tears, as if it was my cue to let out all the frustration, to cry my heart out. I inhaled a deep breath to calm myself down, not wanting to expose myself. 

"I miss my little boy too, tell me how are you doing there. You know you can always come home" home, I felt like I had none. "It doesn't matter dad" I sniffed "I'm good, everything's good" it's just sometimes I feel like running away from all of this I couldn't spoke those words loud enough to let him know about my pain "and you can always come here you know, my roommates doesn't mind having you here" I told him the truth. 

"Sure, and I still remember their excitement when you'd told them it was me in your room, not some woman" I chuckled at the memory. "They sure were not disappointed".

"But they like you" I argued, running my fingers through my hair as I looked outside, watching the red sky, shimmering with purple. I couldn't watch the city lights from here, but I could hear the busy streets. "I don't think I can visit Seoul anytime soon but I promise I'll be there at your graduation. You have come a long way my champ, you have no idea how much I'm proud of you" my heart stirred at those words, suddenly the heaviness had disappeared. 

I felt the dampness on my skin not holding back the tears. Suddenly everything felt right, suddenly I didn't feel like I'm losing myself, suddenly everything made sense, me being persistent and my pain. 

"Always remember you are not what they think about you, you are more than that my boy, you are more precious and you are what you want to be. And I want you to be proud of yourself as well, to know that you are working hard for yourself. And your old man will always be proud of you" I was aware of my tears, rolling down on my cheeks but I didn't care. 

"I love you dad" I mumbled. 

"You cannot love me more than I love you," he said. 

It has always been like this, him being my only source of peace. Even if the whole world would turn their back on me I knew there would be only one person I could rely on. 

It made me feel easy, knowing I was not pleasing anyone like before, I was not proving my worth towards others. 

"Dad, I have to go now" I said, looking down at my watch as I walked towards the bed, where my guitar was, my baby, my everything. I heard a chuckle from the other side "sure, I don't want you to get bored on Sunday".

"That's not true," I argued. 

I put on the speaker and placed the phone on the bed, walking towards the small cabinet and pulling out a random shirt, placing it on the bed. If I could I would just walk there in my normal clothes but since I've a reputation to maintain I cannot do that. The one thing that I had learned over the years is that only few people cared about my music in the club, the majority of the people were only there for my face and body. I've often found men and women gawking at me like I'm some meal. Even though it makes me uncomfortable I just couldn't leave that place. 

So I had to look good every time, not for myself but to please the audience. 

I looked down at the yellow shirt in my hand. When did I even buy that? 

I could care less of the color, no matter what it would look good on me, the perks of having a good body. 

"You should go out more you know apart from going to the club" my father's voice echoed through the room. Why did everyone keep saying the same thing to me? I scrunched up my nose, grabbing the edge of my t-shirt, lifting it up over my head. "I will, once I get a stable income. I feel like nobody's gonna date me if I do not have money in my pocket" I replied bluntly, as much as it sounded stupid it was true. 

I heard a loud sigh "Then you better find a sugar mommy for yourself".

There was a pause as I closed my eyes, regretting my existence. 

"You know you sound like Mom" I sighed, neatly folding my tshirt and placing it on my bed as I heard chuckling from the other side of the call. "Oh shut up, I'm nothing like your mom. If someone is like her then it's you" he fired back, I was not liking where the conversation was going. 

"Sure" I chose not to argue anymore.. 

I might be wrong but I was nothing like my mother, well according to me. 

I picked up the shirt and started unbuttoning it. I liked how much of a neat freak I am.  

"Anyway, come to see us soon if you can" my father sighed "I miss you". I missed him too, I missed our late night talk, I missed his food and the feel of being loved. I feel love everytime I'm with him. 

"You know that's not happening so please stop asking me that" I ignored the way he sighed in disappointment "I have to go now, take care of yourself" I quickly hung up the call before he could say anything else. 

It didn't matter how much he wanted me to come home, what mattered was that I didn't want to go back. 

•••

I liked the evening wind of Seoul while riding my bike, something very peaceful and personal, like I have said before . I liked being alone. Even though it didn't make sense sometimes, I liked it that way. 

The wind in July was just how I liked it to be for the past 3 years. Each year I have found myself being of different shades, or at least I thought so. 

I wondered what next year would be, would it be the same as now or could be something else. Or maybe I would just be a regular 21 year old guy with endless life problems. My life has been full of unexpected surprises. 

I let the wind caress my skin, the city lights being a huge influence over my mood. Many thoughts were running inside my mind, about my father, about going back to Busan, about my graduation and about the face I'd seen yesterday. No matter how much I would try to push her in the back of my mind, it didn't work. 

I was enchanted. 

Maybe I should have asked about her name Or perhaps her number. I'd been a fool to run away like a coward when I knew I would surely regret it. It was difficult to decipher what I was feeling towards her. Was I mesmerized or something over her beauty or it could be just a flick of attraction. I'd never been attracted to someone like this before, of course I'd seen my share of attractive people in the uni and in the club but none of them had made me feel that way.

I was lost somewhere within me. 

Maybe it would pass like a gust of wind and I would never see her. But I also wanted to cage it. I was never good with conversations, either I would make a fool of myself or it would be painfully awkward. 

I thought about the way she'd looked at me, it was either amusement or mockery. Then her words echoed in my head. 

"Every time I meet a man they only say how desperately they want to have me".

What did she mean by that? Did she think I wanted her in my bed like other men?

 I hate when people think they know about me when in reality they know nothing about me. They would assume whatever they want to think and present it like it is the truth, when in reality they are just fooling themselves. Is it possible to know a person completely? Maybe not, you can never know a person completely no matter how close they are to you. 

I had learned this truth in a hard way. 

The club I've been working at is in Itaewon, the place being loved by young people, like me. It was merely a coincidence when I'd first stepped on the club years ago. I was not here to drink, nor looking for someone to get laid. It was simply just a coincidence, I'd barely made it through 1 hour until I caught sight of a young fellow who looked troubled, almost everyone had this expression on their faces. But he seemed anxious. 

Fear in his eyes, a guitar on his left hand, holding it dearly to his chest as if it was his life. I knew that feeling, I'd also had a guitar back in Busan. 

He was calling someone continuously, but the other person seemed to be not picking up. The boy had to be younger than me, I had wondered how he got inside, then again it was not my problem. But still, my curious eyes had followed his every move until a scary looking man came to him with a frown on his face. The boy looked terrified, his hands were shaking and tears built up in his green eyes. I had never seen someone with green eyes before, it was always in those Hollywood movies I'd seen as a child. 

I was in awe. 

And before I could think anything else my legs had moved their own, pushing me towards something unexpected. Something I was trying to resist but tempting to do. 

I parked my bike outside the club, the scent of alcohol immediately hitting my nose trails. Sundays were very much stressful, more people, more alcohol but more money. I was not a big fan of wearing a helmet while riding my bike but I always had to carry it with myself, for safety purposes of course. 

I turned my head to look towards the spot where I'd met her yesterday. Would she be here today? Was she also thinking about me? 

I shook my head, trying not to think about her. Jimin was right, I need to get laid.

I felt eyes on me as I entered the club, clutching the bag tightly on my shoulder, passing through the sweaty bodies. 

My steps hurried, almost bumping into strangers, mumbling apologies. By now most of the people knew me. People from my uni also had seen me performing here, but I knew no one except some of my close classmates. Every time someone had tried to make a conversation with me I'd politely decline, making some ridiculous excuse. If I could I'd never mingle with anyone apart from my nosy roommates. 

I walked towards the narrow hallway, at the end of the hallway was a room used by the people who performed in the club, including me. Taesung and I performed on Saturday and Sunday. A perfect weekend to earn money. I pushed the door open, entering in the darkness of the room. Lifting my right hand I reached towards where the switch board was, switching it on. 

"Thought you would not come today" a voice which I'd not forgotten from yesterday spoke, freezing my blood in my veins. Just as I remembered, cold and void but today it was filled with amusement. I'd failed to notice the other person's presence in the room, eyeing my every movement. 

I jerked my head, staring ahead of me. My breath hitched, I blinked a few times, wetting my dry lips with my tongue. Jesus, it's happening again, like yesterday. I was intimidated. 

Trust me when I say my life is full of unexpected twists. 

My throat felt dry, having those eyes on my body made me feel goosebumps. Seconds after, I caught up with the toxic scent of cigarettes in the thin air. I couldn't speak, it felt like a dream, a very avid one. 

"Not so happy to see me I see" she took a drag from the cigarette before closing her eyes, a pleasing expression on her beautiful face as she rested her head on the couch. The cigarette resting between her index and ring finger. The smoky fog mixed with the air as she parted her lips to exhale the smoke. I sucked in a deep breath, feeling the toxic smoke in my lungs. I coughed, it was not bearable for me. 

I wanted to tell her that it was not true. I also wanted to meet her again after yesterday and I was happy that I'd finally got a chance to see her again in front of my eyes. She wore clothes like yesterday but today it looked slightly different. The first two buttons of her blouse were open like yesterday, for my eyes to see her skin beneath the thin fabric. I unconsciously liked my lips again. 

Had she done it on purpose? 

"How did you know? " I finally managed to speak, I'd calmed down from my daze, taking a few steps forward towards her, my eyes on her. 

How could it be possible to feel this way when we'd only seen each other yesterday. I never believed in bullshits like 'Love at first sight'. One cannot fall in love with someone just like that, it takes too much to love someone. But I couldn't avoid the warm feeling in my heart after seeing her. The mere sight of her sitting in front of me did something to my body, and I wanted to know if she also felt this way. 

What it was that we had between us, for us to find each other again. 

It had to be something, and I was ready to find it out.